18 November 2008, 9:24 am
hey the thing is I feel like i need to get all this out. I kept a diary, but i feel like i need someone anonymous to tell me its ok.I feel like its my fault. basically its like a list of the crap that guys have done to me. my first bf wanted to have sex with me. Im spanish and catholic so theres no way I would have, not before i was ready. He kept pressuring me and then i thought hed forgot about it. nd then we were in his room alone and he tried to rape me. i sortta got free and ran out. it came as such a shock he didnt seem to be like that My next bf.. god this is actually hard. Ok, basically i loved him completly and he started hitting me alot, like every couple of days and i was too scared to break up with him and i didnt wanna hurt my parents by telling them.Im really small, im 4'8 and he was a 6'3 rugby player so i had to cover myself up all the time to hide the bruises and i "walked into a lot of lamposts". I need to stress that somehow i was utterly in love with him. nd then i started doing some modelling work and he got jealous and broke up with me. My next bf cheated on me on my birthday. But, while i was going out with him, bf numba two comes back in my life and starts stalking me, saying hes sorry and that he loves me. it was really hard not to go back to him cuz i loved him. He texted and called me about 8 times a day for 6months. Then he came to my house and when i told him i wasnt interested he beat me up. On my birthday, which my current bf couldnt make it to, because the bastard was cheating on me at the time, i was on the way home from my party and he caught me at the park. He beat me up so that i had to go to hospital,and they are doing tests to see if i can have kids. He didnt even get a prison sentance, he got a restraining order and a fine. The thing is the thought of him rules my life now. I cant sleep, ive stopped eating, i flinch whenever someone touches me when im not expecting it. I cant trust boys anymore, I think theyre all like that.I mean im a little bit worried in case guys reading this think....i dno. but i have to concentrate on A level and i cant because the though of all these guys that have ruined my life pops up. I just need someone to talk to. i shouldnt have to deal with this at my age. are all guys like this? i shouldnt have to deal with this at my age. are all guys like this?... Read More »
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